Learning to Love Myself: 5 Sensible Tips for Self-Improvement

I’ve always been somewhat of a grumpy person, somewhere between Oscar the Grouch and Larry David.

I was one self-hating, people-loathing individual until I realized my grumpiness was affecting not only my own happiness but also my relationships with others. 

So, I decided to change. 

I committed to breaking free from the chains of negativity and developing a more positive outlook on life. 

It wasn’t easy, but with determination and perseverance, I started to evolve into a happier, more compassionate person.

Here’s what I learned along the way.

Kick Negative Thoughts 

It’s only natural for negative thoughts to creep in from time to time, but it’s important not to let them take over. 

When you catch yourself thinking unkind thoughts about yourself, challenge them by replacing them with positive affirmations.

Remind yourself of your strengths, achievements, and the things that make you unique and valuable.

For example, if I find myself thinking, “I’ll never be good enough,” I’ll challenge that thought by listing all the things I’ve achieved and the skills I’ve developed over the years. 

It helps me preserve a more balanced perspective and boosts my self-confidence. 

Know Your Limits

As is the case with many people, I didn’t know what things (and people) made me uncomfortable or stressed out. I didn’t have anyone to talk to about my feelings and the things I experienced. 

But once I figured out what made me happy, sad, furious, passive, ecstatic, and so on, I finally knew what I was comfortable with and what didn’t feel right.

I learned that if something doesn’t sit well with me, I shouldn’t be afraid to speak up and take care of myself. 

That meant saying “no” to a lot of people but also saying “yes” to things that were meaningful and moved the needle in the right direction. 

Forgive and Forget

Figuring out what made me tick also helped me realize just how much resentment I held for myself, my past self, but also some people in my life and the world in general. 

I would always think about “What if…”

What if I finished college at a different college? What if I didn’t turn down that fantastic opportunity because I was afraid of moving up? What if, what if… The list is endless, right?

So, I decided not to let these things have any power over me anymore. I let bygones be bygones. 

Look, I wasn’t about to erase these memories. I just wanted to let go of them and stop them from messing with my head and heart anymore. 

So, instead of dwelling on the past, try to shift your focus to the present moment. Do what makes you feel good and “right” and what makes you fulfilled. 

Put Yourself in Their Shoes

Now, I’ve heard this saying countless times, right? Still, it never really resonated with me. People were just a nuisance to me. They were just another source of frustration and annoyance. 

I couldn’t be bothered to see things from their perspective or understand their struggles. It was easier to dismiss them or judge them without really knowing what they were going through.

But then I realized something important: 

People aren’t just obstacles to avoid or annoyances to tolerate. They’re complex individuals with their own stories, fears, and dreams.

I started to feel more connected to others and realized that we’re all just doing our best going through this crazy thing called life. 

By putting myself in other people’s shoes, I could bridge the gap between us and find common ground, even when they seemed to be completely different from me. 

Be Grateful

What’s the point of being grateful? That’s what I was asking myself whenever I’d come across this advice. 

But as I started doing it, I actually began to see its power firsthand. It actually changed the way I experienced life. 

For starters, being grateful helped me shift my focus from what I didn’t have to what I did have.

Instead of thinking about my problems and frustrations, I started to appreciate all the good things in my life, big and small. 

And you know what? It made me feel happier.

But the benefits of gratitude didn’t stop there. It deepened my relationships and made me feel more connected to others. 

So, yeah, maybe being grateful seemed a bit cheesy or cliché at first. But now I see that there’s real power in taking a moment each day to count your blessings.

How Can Calmer Help?

When you’re stressed or anxious, it’s hard to be kind to yourself and others. Calmer has mindfulness exercises that help you pay attention to what’s happening right now. 

It teaches you how to deal with harsh feelings like anger or sadness so they don’t mess up your relationships.

And, perhaps most importantly, it gives you something to think about, like writing down your thoughts or doing exercises to figure out what makes you tick. 

This helps you understand yourself better and get better at getting along with others.